


Cracked-Gem Confidential. Vol. 2: Half-off Valentines day chocolate.

by justinsbuzz



Series: Cracked Gem Confidential [3]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Future Fic, Gen, Mild Language, Valentine's Day Fluff, connverse - Freeform, no one dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-27 00:42:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17756519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justinsbuzz/pseuds/justinsbuzz
Summary: ah, Valentines day. a terrible holiday celebrated during the time of the freaking cold and flu season. a time to settle into the deep seated madness that is love. terrible, terrible love. but decent shipping fanfic.1. Weak Risotto: Steven's rice dish apparently destroys the town, for some weird reason.2. Peridots Shipping Situation: Peridots fanfic writing starts to spiral out of control as she recruits someone to draw lewd pictures for her stories. To make sure Steven doesn't get corrupted, it's up to his Bae-Knight to protect his fragile mind from Peridots terribly mislabeled, and very deceivingly titled fanfic and fan-art.3. Greg Strikes Out: Greg works the ol' Universe charm on giant tyrannical intergalactic overlords.4. Any Regrets?: Taking place far into the future, Steven and Connie talk about their life together so far. (no one dies. it's just mostly cute fluff among the stars.)





	Cracked-Gem Confidential. Vol. 2: Half-off Valentines day chocolate.

**Author's Note:**

> Relatively short since there's a side project coming up relatively soon. for now, heres this nice piece of hot garbage that i just sneezed out since this cold is beating the literal and figurative snot out of me. pun *sneezes* intended.

Cracked-Gem Confidential. Vol. 2: Half-off Valentines day chocolate.

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Weak Risotto

It was going to be great, or at least, it would have been great. After a fiasco that happened a few years prior, Steven and Connie wanted to get their parents together again. To get to know each other better this time. Apart from Garnet, there wouldn’t be any large fusions, no running away to apple farms, no feeling like a disappointment. Even though their parents said that they didn’t have to, it was a free dinner with friends. The question of ‘who could say no?’ had, without warning, turned to ‘who could have predicted that THIS would ever happen?’. 

The glass windows had been thoroughly shattered, leaving only small pieces of glass strewed around like confetti throughout the kitchen, living room, and dining room area. The dining table that was set meticulously and with care had been turned on its side with utensils scattered on the floor, a burning candle snuffed out by its own wax, and folded swan napkins undone. The kitchen area was just as bad. The glazed broiled salmon had been mashed into the ground by footprints. The tossed salad was thoroughly tossed in the air and all across the counter, with a few leaves already burned by one sole burner still on. But out of everything there, all of the destruction, the chaos, only one thing was still not amiss; a saucier pan of risotto, sitting on a pot holder, and with its lid still on, keeping it warm.

On the ground near the counter was a young man who was on their knees, silently crying over some of the spilt juice that came from one of the glasses, his dress pants had soaked up some of the juice. But in reality, it was over something else more troubling than he could ever fathom. tears were slowly dripping down his face, knowing that he was to blame for all of this. Again, another major mistake they will have to learn to ignore. An ugly habit to nurture. But he wasn’t alone in that room. a young woman stood over him. She wore a red dress and a red glowing bracelet, as well as holding a large sword. She knelt down right next to the boy, and before she could say a word, the boy spoke first.

“The risotto, Connie.” He spoke.

“Steven?” Questioned Connie.

“All of this. It was the risotto.” Steven answered. Connie looked around the house, trying to figure out how a rice dish could cause so much chaos, only to dismiss it half a second later.

“Steven. This wasn’t your doing. None of this was. And I clearly doubt it was-” Connie attempted to console Steven before being interrupted.

“I used low sodium vegetable broth instead of chicken stock. Connie, I just wanted to impress Dr. Maheswaran with a health-conscious meal so she wouldn’t hate me so much! Face it, your biscuits’ risotto game is weak. I. Make. Weak. Risotto.” Steven moaned through the tears. “You should marry Peedee. He can work a fryer.”

Connie closed her eyes, rubbed the bridge of her nose, and sighed deeply. This is a new level of sadness, about a few marks below about crying that snails can’t eat fry bits. It was time to go into full blown, tier 10 knight-mode. She stood in front of Steven, shoved the sword into the floor with remarkable force, and picked Steven up.

“Steven!” Connie said, before seeing that Steven was leaking from both eyes, and both sides of his nose. She was dealing with a high grade ‘ugly-crying’ situation. She brought him to his feet, grabbed the cleanest napkin she could find and wiped away his tears. “Ok. Steven, one: My mom already loves you. It’s really awesome and considerate of you to think about low sodium alternatives in these days where everything has a ton of salt in it. That’s insta-brownie points!”

Connie then held the napkin to Stevens nose as he through instinct blew into it. 

“Two: Peedee isn’t a magic-girl type boy who can summon shields and bubbles. He can’t fly an ancient leg ship, which I might add is VERY un-aerodynamic. And he doesn’t have a pet pink zombie lion, an awesome alien family, and most of all, HE AIN’T NO BISCUIT!” Connie said tossing aside the napkin and firmly grabbing Stevens’ shoulders. “And in all honesty, not only is the whole ‘working a fryer’ thing so far down on my list of ‘must haves’ it’s nonexistent, I think he has a crush on Jeffrey. It’s kind of cute when you really think about it, but everyone thinks they’re out of each other’s league. The world isn’t ready for ‘Peeffrey’.”

Connie then turned Steven’s head to look out the window.

“And three,” Connie spoke. “This was not caused by flipping risotto!”

Steven and Connie looked out to the ocean, where a gigantic Frybo-kaiju, back from the briny depths, has come back for revenge on the unsuspecting townsfolk of the seaside city. As the large, mutated, possessed mascot dragged itself out of the ocean, causing large waves to crash against the shore, The Diamonds’ mech was flying around it, shooting and diving at it. It seemed that all of the Diamonds, White included, wanted to protect Beach City. But even the Diamonds power seems to be no match to the demonic Frybo-mon.

“Steven? Biscuit? I’m going to need you to get out of this funk. This isn’t because of you, or your awesome risotto. And yes, I had a little bit before all of this went down and I’m definitely not sorry for it.” Connie said, feeling slightly guilty in hindsight. “This is all because some mutated gem monster didn’t get the message the first time. But the first time, I wasn’t there…. with a sword. And you didn’t know about your shield and bubble powers. And you took them down in the freaking buff. We can take them down now in a flash!”

Connie then lifted up both of his hands to clasp them together with hers.

“We can take them on, Steven. Side by side. Biscuit and Strawberry. Jambuds! The original S.U.O.T.P.! ARE! YOU! WITH! ME!?” Connie asked, yelling out loud. Steven, on the other hand…was not with her.

“But…The risotto…” Steven muttered quietly, a few tears streaking down his face. Connie’s left eye began to twitch. She sighed as her head hung low.

“Oh boy. Love you forever, Steven, but you need to get your priorities straight. Which is why I’m going to apologize to you for doing this. Steven, I’m sorry, I need to use you for your biscuit bod.” Connie said with a deep sigh at the end. She turned to rip the sword from the ground. She then turned back to Steven to put the sword in his hand, raised his arms up so the sword, which seems lighter than it looks, has it pointing up over his head, and began to do some stretches.

“Um, Connie? What are you doing?” Steve asked before Connie lifted him over her head like a strange looking spear with a magic-boy shaped handle.

“SHIELD POWERS, ACTIVATE!” Connie roared out loud, holding Steven amusingly over her head.

“Connie, I don’t think that’s how it would- wait, WHAT?!” Steven shouted as he looked to see a shield forming above them like an umbrella. “Connie! How did you know that would work? Why don’t you tell me of the things you know I can do?!”

Connie looked up at Steven with a sly grin.

“Girl gotta have her secrets, and a Knight gotta know when to use them. Also, you can pretty much do whatever you set your mind to, or at least most things, when you know you’re in love.” Connie said with a wink. “Now, CHARGE!”

Both Connie, with Steven held over her head charged at the rampaging monstrosity in an epic battle of survival that lead to a victory.

And if you really want to know how the story ends, Both Steven and Connie end up in traction after the fight in comedic matching full body casts. Steven didn’t really need it, but he didn’t want Connie to be lonely in the clinic, and Dr. Maheswaran didn’t want Steven to cure her in his own way.

Amethyst ate all of the risotto.

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Peridots Shipping Situation

A harsh cold snap had hit Beach City hard. Half the city was shut down, save for the medical clinic that’s also working as a heating shelter. The news says that within a few days’ time, it will be colder than the north pole. Bismuth had been a huge help bringing in wood for the fire, except that she ended up chopping down an entire tree, leaving Steven and Greg with a massive amount of firewood in the middle of the living room. If it weren’t for Amethysts penchant of collecting things no one else will take in, the wood would have stayed there. It took Greg a few minutes to show Steven how to light a fire. But once he got it going, a gust of cold wind coming from the front door blew the fire out. 

“GAH! Someone, close it! Close the door!” Greg cried out over the sound of the howling wind.

“NNNGGG. SORRY!” a familiar voice yelled from behind them. As the door shut, a small pile of snow was left on the ground, and a Young woman was standing in front of the door, carrying a large backpack, and wearing a thick parka, balaclava, and leather gloves. “Now. Where is she?!”

“Um, who…. are you?” Steven asked the somewhat familiar stranger.

“Oh, right, one second.” The young woman said, starting to pry off her frozen parka, and struggling to get her mask off. “Um…little help?”

Steven walked over to her and helped unshelled her. Judging by a scarf and a slight smell of lavender, it was Connie. 

“It’s good to know that you’re keeping yourself bundled up. But why did you end up having to come over here in the middle of a snow storm?” Steven asking, finally cracking some of the ice off of the coat and helping her out of it. 

“You wouldn’t have done this unless it was a dire emergency.” Greg said, grabbing the coat and a coatrack and taking it over to the fireplace.

“It is. Very dire.” Connie said through her muffled balaclava, slipping her hands out of her gloves. “Definite gem emergency.”

“Wait, WHAT?! A gem emergency?!” Steven exclaimed. It had been a long time since he and Connie had to deal with a gem emergency. The incident in the great north felt like it was years ago. And staying inside had started to give Steven cabin fever. So, the idea of an actual emergence was more exciting than disturbing. “What is it? More rogue gems on the loose? Newly cured gems wanting to rebel? ONION AND AQUAMARINE JOINING UP TO START A PYRAMID SCHEME?!”.

“Worse.” Connie said as Steven took off her balaclava, revealing a frizzy haired and statically charged Connie. “It’s Peridot. She’s at it again.”

“Wait, Peridot? OUR Peridot?” Steven asked, completely befuddled. “She wouldn’t betray us, especially now that there really no one she would betray us too. And she hasn’t gassed lamped me since last month, and I’m honestly not looking forward to another one of those. Wait. Is she gas lamping me right now?”

“Almost as bad, but no. Steven, she’s shipping again!” Connie said, looking gravely serious at Steven while grabbing him by the shoulders. “And she has help…”

“Ahem.” Greg said, breaking Connie and Stevens brief staring contest. “Got the fire going.”

Dragging a few beanbags near the fireplace, Steven filled his dad in on what Peridot had been up to these past few months. Starting up Steven’s laptop, Connie’s fingers were flying across the keyboard. Pouring through and opening up separate web pages between ‘Database for ourselves’, ‘Divisive art’, and ‘Fumblr’.

“Just out of curiosity, if all of this is because of Peridot’s shipping habits, couldn’t we have just talked over the phone, instead of you coming over in the middle of a blizard?” Steven asked Connie as he looked out the window “I mean, I love hanging out with you, and helping you out with homework, but you could have gotten lost out there Connie. You could have gotten hurt.”

Connie stopped for a moment to look up at a worried Steven. He did have a good point. 

“I’m sorry Steven. It’s just when I was rummaging around for some comedic fanfic, all this popped up, and it…. could have waited.” Connie said, staring back down at her keyboard. “But I’m here now. I’m OK, safe, and slowly defrosting by the fire. And next time, I’ll call. I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

“It’s ok. But now, with the blizzard getting worse, I don’t know how I could get you home. Even in the bubble, I don’t think we would make it before being buried.” Steven told Connie, who had then gestured towards the large backpack near the door.

“Oh no.” Connie said flatly. “A blizzard has befallen on the Universe residence and I’ll be stuck here for the night, with my BBFF. And the Iron Cog Saga box set and the slightly used ‘Hyper Thrash Sisters 3’.”

“Are your parents ok with it?” Greg asked in a worried tone.

“Mom is stuck at the clinic with a couple of patients who are suffering from mild hypothermia and fever, Dad is trapped, well, stuck inside the lighthouse with Sapphire, Lapis, and a fully charged tablet. And he’s got enough hot chocolate and frozen dinners up there to survive the winter.” Connie answered, shifting her gaze between Greg and the computer. “But they both said it would be safer here than being alone in the house. I could have gotten here sooner, but I ran into complications. Small complications.”

Connie stared over at her back pack as a couple of small, living pebbles crawled out of it, dragging out tents and blankets made out of some of her clothes.

“Looks like I’ll be sleeping in my clothes tonight.” Connie sighed as she continues to pull up pages. “And I’ll be going clothes shopping this weekend.”

“Clothes shopping!” Steven squealed with a smile on his face. “been meaning to get some more shirts, and maybe… a skirt. Wait, sorry, off topic. Peridot. Shipping again. I Thought we were through this? I thought she would talk to Lapis”

“I know, right?! Seriously, the fact that she was doing it was bad enough, but now she’s dragged an artist, a freaking good artist, into her brand of madness.” Connie said, looking between the computer, Steven, and Greg. “The artist, whoever Bluemoongoddess01 is, seemed to have a lot of potential, but now, she’s just… she’s drawing people. Both fictional and…well…non-fictional I guess.” Connie had to pause to look around at the house, and started to think about her place in the universe for a quick second.

“I’m still trying to process the fact that Peridot gas lamped Steven. Kicking me off of the roof was one thing, but messing with Steven like that.” Greg said, staring into the fire. “No one does that to my son.”

“I’m ok, dad. I got over it. And she was only doing it to figure out how to properly cure the corrupted gems.” Steven said, trying to reassure his dad that everything was ok. “She hasn’t tried doing anything like that ever since then. Or, at least, I don’t think she had.”

“It’s not right though. Playing mind games like that is just wrong.” Greg said, looking frustrated that someone would do that to Steven. “I’m going to go have a talk with her.”

“That won’t be necessary, Mr. Universe.” Connie said, opening and closing certain windows, all while on private browsing mode. “She’s doing this because she still, apparently, has unresolved issues with Lapis. Fanfic writing is good and all, but she picked up some unhealthy habits. Odds are, she read a few angsty ‘Camp Pinning Hearts’ stuff, with some really mature content. I mean…just… you can only watch so much baby animal vids to get some of that stuff out of your head.”

“Have…you read some of those things?” Steven asked carefully. “I mean, you don’t have to say anything. But…have you?”

“Well…after the end of ‘The Spirit Morph Saga’, I stumbled onto DFO to start reading and maybe writing fanfic. Some things were mislabeled, but I’ve never gone out of my way to look for them.” Connie said, staring deeply into the fire, as though she was remembering something terrifying. “I’ve seen things, Steven. Things that could turn you into a corrupted gem. Or at worse, turn you into Peridot. And the universe has enough of those. Things that I would never want you to see any time soon. With that in mind, here’s the PG-13 stuff that isn’t too terrible.”

Steven was reading another fanfic chapter of TSMS, glazing over paragraphs of strange and nonsensical plot, filled with minor spelling errors, and misnaming characters to the point where it seems she’s deliberately writing about Steven and Connie. Judging from it just being one of first posts on the website, the plot didn’t seem too bad. Some of it was implying some things that seemed uncomfortable. But it was all fairly innocent until the last paragraph about Lisa and Archimicarus kissing, which seemed a bit too graphic.

“My eyes…. what did I just read?” Steven asked, looking Connie. “What was all of that?”

“The beginning of absolute madness.” Connie told Steven flatly. “And that’s chapter 1. Out of 10. Out of 5 series. Out of 3 other fandoms. And she doesn’t seem to be stopping any time soon. She’s like grey goo. She’s worked over the Spirit Morph Saga, to the point where she was out of content. Her last work on it made me love the original ending. All 20 pages of cake.”

Steven thought about that time, and how Connie never really gave much thought to the mushy stuff. He still wanted to give her a better ending, just without the use of his moms’ room.

“She’s gnawed her way through crying breakfast friends, which by the way I forbid you to ever look at that stuff. Write your own work, enjoy the show, but do not look for the fanfic. I can’t look at a bowl of fruit without having a panic attack, and I won’t have her corrupting you!” Connie said taking the laptop, punching in a few words, and handing it over to Greg. “Parental lock is off Greg. I think you could handle the other stuff, since you’ve been on the music scene so this shouldn’t shock you Just look at the number, and maybe a few title names.”

“Wait, how were you able to bypass the parental locks?” Greg asked.

“If Peridot could get past it, I could do it in my sleep.” Connie said, trying not to sound like she was bragging. Greg scanned over the monitor of the Laptop. Over time, his eyebrows slowly lifted, and his mouth was agape. At one point, he mouthed the words ‘oh no’. Finally, he had enough. He gently closed the laptop, and looked up.

“Steven, how much did this laptop cost you?” Greg asked calmly.

“I dunno. I think you gave it to me. Why?” Steven asked, only to be met with instant regret as Greg got up, walked over to the fire, dropped the laptop into the flames, and went over to the kitchen sink to turn on the faucet.

“MI TORRENTS!” Steven yelled as he went to grab the fire gloves to pull out the laptop. It was mildly singed, but still very hot. “Door! Connie!”

Connie ran to the front door with Steven in tow. She swung it open as Steven threw the laptop like a Frisbee into the snowstorm, which had not let up any. Connie shut the door, as Steven went to confront his dad.

“Why did you do that?!” Steven demanded an answer.

“Fire. Only intense fire could cleanse that computer of the things I’ve seen. I’ll buy you another one.” Greg said, hunched over the sink basin. “But not before I find a way to get a better parental lock on the computers in this house. Seriously? That easy?!”

“You’re going to need to spring for the ultra-mega deluxe security stuff to get the protection you need. And when it comes to Peridot, a Gem technician of all beings, you’re going to need the best. I’ll get you one.” Connie asked nonchalantly. “But a better form of security is to stop the threat itself. We need to get peridot away from shipping as soon as possible. She’s beginning to look at real life shipping, and that will be a thousand times worse than the CBF ‘Fruit Bowl’ arc.” Connie had shed a single lonely tear from the memories.

“But how?” Steven asked, worryingly. “How can we get her to stop? I mean, we would have to find some way to turn her off from it.”

“That’s exactly what I’m planning on doing, Steven.” Connie said, staring out the window. “And we’ll beat her at her own game too. And by ‘we’ I mean ‘I’. I will beat her at her own game. I’m going to have to go back to some old habits that I thought I rid myself of.”

“you mean…. the biting?” Steven asked, recalling how Priyanka told embarrassing stories to Steven about how Connie liked to bite people when she was younger. Simple mom things. “I don’t think that could work. They’re made of light, and I don’t think they can feel pain. Or at least, not physical pain. I think”

“Nope. Wish my mom hadn’t told you all those stories, but no. No biting… yet.” Connie folded her arms, and gazed deeply through the window, as though she was peering into her own memory. “Steven, I use to ship. Not hardcore stuff. Just light-hearted stuff. Playful, kind, innocent stuff. Percy and Paulette, Perlette in shipping lingo. It was fairly popular, one of the bigger ships on the CPH forums. But then the tides turned one day, and Perlette was dealt a major blow. A few trolls here and there wasn’t enough to take us down. But someone started a campaign to make Pier and Percy the main ship. They were merciless, and they drove out the Perlette with some of the worst Perlette fanfics and fanart imaginable. It drove me to delete hundreds of thousands of words worth of shipping in shame and despair.”

Steven and Greg looked at each other, trying to figure out how much of this actually happened or not. Connie was neck and hair length into the drama zone.

“No. No this is a quest I must take up myself. As your knight slash strawberry slash B F F slash girlfriend, it is my duty to slay this foul angry slice of pie with a sword… of words.” Connie declared, epicly pointing at one of the upstairs rooms that Peridot was sitting in, no doubt typing up another fanfic. She then grabbed a pen and paper off of the table near the phone and began to write. “Yes. YES! My creative juices have come back to me! Old friends! Let us give birth to a couple of new ships that would crack her gem wide open, and stop this madness once and for all!”

“Um, Connie? You think you might be taking this a little too seriously?” Steven asked, only to be met with the piercing stair of a determined warrior.

“Steven, in one of her SMS fanfics, she just completely stopped using character names and just used Steven and Connie. And this was one of her later works. And if you had seen what I had seen… jeez, we haven’t even dated for 6 months, and she just goes THERE?! Like a moth to a flame, just dives right in.” Connie said, her eyebrows furled. “She ruined Spirit Morph Saga for me and killed my childhood. But I will be damned, DAMNED I SAY, if she ruins you and all the things you love!”

“Wait, I know we’ve stated that we love each other, but have we ever gone on an official date?” Steven asked.

“Don’t worry. The Author has that covered. Should be done around Valentines Day or something.” Connie said, flipping the pages of the pad of paper, and filling out both sides with perfect cursive. “For now, I will introduce the world to something that they will never see coming. Not one, but TWO ships. Both to wreak havoc on her feeble green perler-bit she calls a gem. Steven, say hello to ‘Amedot’ and ‘Lapethyst’.”

“Um… how will you fit that into any of the stuff she’s into? And wouldn’t Amethyst be angry that you would do that?” Steven asked Connie whose hands were but a blur. 

“Someone call for one awesome Gem, hold the Chaps?” One of his questions were answered when Amethyst stretched over the upstairs banister and down carrying a bag of chaps. “Sorry, what did I miss?”

“Oh, nothing to worry about, just going to ship you with Peridot as well as Lapis to get on Peridots nerves and stop her from ruining fanfic everywhere.” Connie said, concentrating on her writing. “You know, nothing big. You ok with that?”

“A chance to get on Peridots’ nerves AND toy around with a dangerous plan that will have absolutely no drawbacks or unseen consequences? Sign me up” Amethyst answered enthusiastically.

“Dad?” Steven wore a frightened look on his face. “It’s going to get worse, isn’t it?”

“I already have a fallout shelter that connects us with the emergency shelter and Connie’s house in case it gets bad.” Greg told Steven assumingly, wrapping an arm around him, and trying to not sound nervous. “We’re going to be ok, Schtu-ball.”

The drums of war could be heard through the snowstorm outside.

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Greg strikes out (or how I stopped worrying and tolerate the ol’ Universe Charm)  
Dedicated to a user over on reddit

(Greg tries to drive his van into the hearts of the Diamonds, and it all goes as horribly wrong as it would be if you drove a van into a giant rock.)

The gem stood outside, staring in terror as the blue hand handed on the beach. From there, out steps Blue Diamond, with long flowing blue robes, and tired eyes.

“Rose Quartz. I should have known you would come crawling back to this hovel.” Blue Diamond said coldly.

“Well, time to use the ol’ Universe charm.” Greg said confidently. And before anyone could stop him, he leaped over the railing in front of the house and casually strolled up to Blue Diamond.

“Well, hello there.” Greg said slyly, walking towards her with a deep sense of confidants. “We never usually get Diamonds around on this planet, especially beautiful blue ones.”

Blue Diamond looked down in confusion.

“this planet is about 70% ocean, and though it’s pretty sometimes, it can take a few notes from your shimmering beauty in the moonlight.” Greg told Blue Diamond, who was looking both more confused and disturbed by the moment.

“What…. What is this? Rose, is this some ploy to bring my guard down, because it’s not working.” Blue yelled at Steven, who’s banging his head against the railing while Connie rubs his shoulder.

“Hang in there. It’ll be over soon. I hope.” Connie said, looking on uncomfortably. “He’s worse than my dad around my parent’s anniversary.”

“It’s no ploy. I’m genuinely serious. I knew a Diamond once a while ago, but I didn’t know she had a hotter older- “

 

Nope. Nope, can’t do it. Sorry, reddit user, but there’s no way I can get Greg to hit on the Diamonds. I mean, look at the size of them. Greg probably sees them as giant titan overlords from another world, while they see him as an ant. And the whole meme thing about Greg’s…. abilities are kind of crude at best. Lest anyone forgets, he’s kind of a widower who's taking things in stride and is in a somewhat comfortable place in his life. I mean, did he even think that rose would vanish when Steven was born? Did anyone by rose know that? That had to hit him hard. And being a single parent to a magical boy whose aunts and his wife’s ex are helping him raise Steven is not an easy thing to take charge on. Plus being a small business owner, and living on the bare minimum. That’s some killer parenting tight there. He’s no playa, he’s a papa.

Sorry for getting all PSA, but just to throw this out there, V-day shouldn’t really just be about hitting on anyone, or being overly romantic. V-day is about love of ALL forms. Love between two people who mean the world to each other. Love between best friends who have your back when the chips are down. Love between close family members who help you up when your world comes crashing down. Long and sort, somewhat, moderately, happy Valentine / Pal-entines Day. Man, that felt weird to say.

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Any Regrets?

The Astronautalis class frigate held it’s holding pattern for hours before the autopilot systems pulled the 152-meter frigate in close to the refueling systems of the hydro-plasma platform sitting a comfortable 50 million miles from the sun of the Baeldier system, 250 light years from the Sol System. The flood lights shined on the decal and name of the ship, a Pink Lion with its tail spelling out ‘Leo Jr.’. Both the captains were still annoyed to this day that Lion Jr., Lion 2, Lion II, Lion the second, Lions little brother, Cookie Cat, and even Lionlicker321 were all taken. The Universe was teeming with life, but why did they all take the good names?

With a loud ‘CLUNK’, the ship was hooked in and refueling had begun, and since the Leo Jr. had been running on fumes for the past 2 jumps, It would take a few hours before they get up and go again. The loud clunk had awoken one of the captains of the ship. Jostled awake, the somewhat average sized being groaned as he got up from the bed and lumbered their way into the galley. Looking around, they awkwardly fumbled their way towards a boxy looking coffee maker that showed the settings ‘Coffee’, ‘Tea’, ‘Espresso’, and finally a setting with a piece of masking tape as a label with the words ‘S+C Magical wakeup juice V 4.11.13 (beta)’. The captain took an empty flower pot, filled it with a slightly murky colored water from the small micro-kitchen faucet, and dumped it into a small hole on the side of the boxy looking machine using an old metallic funnel. And as though it was an old ritual, he turned the nob back and forth 4 times, knocked on the face of the machine 3 times, and then turned the knob all the way to ‘Magical wake up juice, setting while pressing the knob inwards.

It took a few moments for the coffee machine to start warming up. In the meantime, the middle-aged man stood, hunched over the sink, trying to wake up. But in a split second, he looked over at the coffee machine and saw that he forgot to slip cups under the nozzles. He grabbed the two closest, mostly clean cups he saw and placed them down just before the coffee came out. That alone woke him up, but only a little bit. The hum of the ship wasn’t doing him any favors, and his co-captain was probably asleep in their chair again. If it weren’t for auto docking and fly by wire auto piloting, they would have flown into a pulsar long ago. And with a ding, the coffee was ready.

The dull metallic door to the small bridge of the ship slid open with a slight squeak. The man walked gingerly into the cabin, carrying the coffee, both with one cream blobs and two sucrose cubes. Just like how they’ve been drinking coffee for over 300 years. In the other captain’s chair was a tall middle-aged woman who looked very unusual. Her skin had a lavender hue to it while her medium length hair was a very dark shade of purple, with a few mild violet streaks through it. There were a couple of lines around her closed eyes, and a couple of small scars on the bridge of her nose and cheek. All signs of a life well lived. Her height superseded her Co-captains by almost 4 inches. But no matter how long they’ve been at the helm of the ship, it never mattered. Not even when they would just set the ship on cruse mode and slowly dance to some of the oldest music in the galaxy.

“hey, Connie? Strawberry? You awake?” The man asked the strange, tall, purple woman, who shifted somewhat in her seat before her bright eyes opened wide to see him.

“Jeez. Steven. did we dock already?” Connie croaked while looking outside the window to see the floodlights of the refueling station. “Baeldier system?”

“Yep.” Steven said, his weary eyes looked out through the window. “Baeldier. And with no hiccups, pirates, bounty hunters, and miscellaneous annoyances, 5 more jumps till we’re home.”

Steven plopped down in the other captains worn out chair. He set down his coffee and reached out for a hair tie. He then proceeded to pull back his incredibly curly hair, which had streaks of pink running through it. After a few moments of fumbling with it, Connie decided to help him out. After a few hundred while, Stevens big fingers aren’t as nimble as they use to be. Plus, she always knew how to pull his hair back and tie it up to make it look like a bouquet of flowers.

“There. Done.” Connie said, kissing Stevens slightly wrinkled skin.

“Thanks, Connie.” Steven smiled as she was about to walk back to her chair, but stopped for a moment and looked down at Steven’s lap.

Is…that seat taken?” Connie asked bashfully. Steven looked confused.

“You mean…my chair?” Steven asked before it clicked that she wanted to sit on his lap. “Oh. Right. Waking up. No. you…you can sit here.”

Connie gently sat down on Stevens’ lap sideways, her legs hanging over the armrest while her back was cradled by Steven. This wasn’t the most comfortable position, but it was their favorite, normally because they’re usually separated by a small communication console no wider than a foot. Some days, that one foot feels like a million miles away, and other days, it’s like it’s not even there. Being on that ship, working on it, fixing the Pearl-droids, trading, shipping, fighting, it’s become less of a ship, and more of a way of life for them now, which beats just sitting on an ever-changing planet. They sat there, lazily gazing at the stars and the ships floating by. The silence was gently broken when Steven looked down at the console to notice the time and date, with showed a pink star at the top corner, a passive reminder of something important.

“Happy Anniversary, Connie.” Steven spoke. Connie shifted her gaze from the window, to Steven, and then to the consol. A deep frown had emerged.

“That’s today?” Connie said disappointedly. “we were supposed to be home by now. We won’t get back in time for…nothing.”

“What?” Steven asked curiously.

“It’s…. well, since we won’t make it back within the next 10 hours, I kind of had a reservation for us over at ‘Chez Crabe Cabane’.” Connie answered disappointingly. “4 months reservation in advance. Plus had to bribe three people to just get the phone number for the place.”

“Chez Cra- ‘The Crab Shack’? They’re reopening it?!” Steven asked “Why would they even think about doing that? I mean… Connie. You didn’t need to do that.”

“500-year anniversary. I just wanted to make it special. I remember you liked schmaltz.” Connie said, rubbing her forearms. “I know we run around a lot, trying to grab the next job, the next bounty, the next contract. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to take a breather, spend some time away from the ship.”

Steven wrapped an arm around her shoulder and hugged her tight.

“Connie, you didn’t have to do that. We could pretty much do literally anything else than that.” Steven said, looking into her eyes. “I mean, anything else. Do you remember why it closed down in the first place?”

After a few moments, all the memories came flooding back. 150 years ago, Steven and Connie went to go celebrate not only their 350th anniversary there, but also the first time they actually broke slightly over even paid off the damages from their last firefight and still walked away with 2 million credits. but on that fateful night, It was the perfect storm of chaos. Giant squid run amok, Ice bursting into flames, flames freezing into ice, a couple of really large out of town delegates becoming infuriated at the thought of eating something that looks like their children. And the worst of it is poorly cooked linguini and shrimp. Both Steven and Connie were out of commission for a week, losing 3 contracts.

“That’s why we avoid seafood…” Connie said, realizing everything. “Also, the reason why we never celebrate our anniversary on earth.”

“Well, we could celebrate it on Earth, it’s just been a string of bad timing.” Steve said “But, I know what you mean. It’s been 500 years now. Half of a millennium of being together.”

Connie curled up closer to Steven, putting her head on his shoulder, and trying her best not to fall asleep.

“So. 500 years. Thoughts?” Steven asked awkwardly.

“182,500 days. 4,380,000 hours. Each one better than the last. But what do you mean?” Connie asked sighing and trying not to fall asleep.

“Well, did things turn out the way you wanted them too?” Steven asked “Any regrets?”

Connie thought about this for a few moments before lifting her head up and looking at Steven.

“Well. You know how I kind of…you know. And you…did…this?” Connie said looking at her deep lavender toned hand. “It means, in a way, I can live forever. And since you’re a gem, in a way, you can too.”

“What are you saying?” Steven asked nervously before Connie pressed her lips to his and answered.

“It means that we’re going to be around, together, for a very long, long, LONG time. We could live well till the end of time.” Connie said, before pressing her forehead to his. “And with that in mind, I think that amount of time won’t be long enough for me to spend with you. With the Universe.”

Steven tried his best not to, but ended up bursting into laughter, with Connie following suit.

“Well, what’s your biggest regret then, mister?” Connie asked jokingly.

“Not coming up with that line sooner.” Steven said, trying to catch his breath. Connie wrapped an arm around Steven’s neck and kissed him.

“Happy anniversary, Steven.” Connie said

“Happy anniversary, Connie.” Steven replied, holding her close to him. After a while, they both fell asleep there in the chair. After the ship refueled, it made its coordinates to the sol system and flew off. They made it back safe and sound, and with one hour left of their anniversary.

**Author's Note:**

> In March's Issue of Cracked Gem Confidential, it will be a very solemn and serious issue where everyone touches on an issue with Pearl that she has kept hidden from everyone for so long, even from Pink Diamond herself. a story about acceptance, understanding, love, overcoming adversity, and lasagna. Too. Damn. Much. Lasagna.


End file.
